standing in a garden. can’t remember where! viewing my surroundings through big cow eyes. seeing trees around me and an endless field covered with grass. everything is so green. sun is shining over the field through clouds. it’s gonna rain soon, apparently. but i don’t give a damn about it. not thinking of anything at all. standing where i am without being puzzled with past, present and future.
taking of my shoes to feel the cold and wet ground. as i place my feet on the ground, a sense of dread is the only thing i’m experiencing. it’s climbing up through my legs and then reaching my chest. pressing my chest. can’t breath properly. my arms stop obeying my mind. moving randomly. falling down to the ground because my legs are not out of control as well and too weak to carry the rest of my body. the cold grass is now on my face. feels green, smeels green, tastes like green. above all relaxing me. i wanna stay where i just fell. though the grass is relaxing me, i still feel… cannot define. it’s like just before you fall asleep. i like that feeling. but i don’t figure out what it frightens me.